5 Things a Man Needs to Do in a Successful Relationship

With so many confusing ideas, I started looking for wisdom on what a man should be in a relationship. I read books on marriage. They didn"t say anything to me. I read Jewish books on marriage. They had a lot of wisdom, but I was looking for more advice on what a man should be.
Then I went to the original Jewish sources. I started with Adam -- the first man in the world who was in a relationship. Adam was alone. He wanted a wife. He asked God for a wife and God created Eve to be an "ezer k"negdo" -- a helper opposing him or a helper against him (Genesis, 2:18).
A helper against him? What in the world does that mean? I looked in the commentary at the bottom of the page which quoted the Talmud, "If the man is worthy, the woman will be his helper;
If he"s not worthy, the woman will be against him..

This one sentence changed the way I looked at relationships. The message: It"s up to the man to make it work. It"s his responsibility. Stop blaming others.
If a man works on himself and develops himself to be worthy, the woman will be his partner.
If he doesn"t, she will be against him. What happens next in the world"s first relationship?
Adam and Eve are in the Garden of Eden. They have one commandment:
Don"t eat the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge.
Eve eats it and then she gives it to Adam. He eats it.
Then Adam hides in the bushes and God asks him:
Adam did you eat the fruit from the Tree of Knowledge that I commanded you not to eat?

What did Adam do?
Did he take responsibility for what happened?
No. He says to God, "The woman you sent me gave it to me and I ate it."

I couldn"t believe it. He gave in to something he knew was wrong and then he blamed his wife.
I thought only men today did that.
Does blaming his wife help Adam avoid responsibility?
God doesn"t say, "Adam, I understand -- she pushed you into it.
You"re not responsible for what happened." Just the opposite. He punishes Adam for eating the fruit, and for not using his own judgment.
I think it"s significant that one of the first lessons in the first chapter of Genesis is about what a man should be in a relationship.

My search led me to discover a lot of timeless wisdom that for generations fathers taught their sons -- wisdom that is so relevant today.
Today"s absent father, either from long hours of work or divorce,
means many boys grow up without a strong male role model.
Here are five of the lessons I learned on my journey for wisdom on what a man in a relationship should be:


Lesson #1:

Take responsibility Learn from Adam.

Don"t do things you know are wrong and then blame others.
If you make a mistake, take responsibility for your actions.
One of the meanings of the word "husband"is someone who skillfully manages his household.
A manager takes responsibility. As Adam experienced, there is little sympathy for a man who blames a woman for something that has gone wrong. He"s often still held responsible.
People will ask him, "Why did you let it go on?" A man has to look at himself and see how he can change his own actions to properly handle similar situations.

Lesson #2:

Show leadership If a man wants to be seen as worthy and have a good relationship with a woman, he has to show leadership. When he sees a situation that needs to be dealt with, he should step forward and handle it.
People admire those who step forward to handle difficult situations.
We don"t admire those who stand back and wait for others to solve the problem.

Some men avoid taking the lead because they don"t want to be criticized.
They think they"re playing it safe. A man should say, "I"ll handle it," and take the initiative to find solutions.
If he"s not sure what the solution is, do what other leaders do -- consult the many sources of information available.

Lesson #3:

Make decisions One of the meanings of the word "manly" is being decisive.
A man needs to make decisions and take responsibility for the outcome.
If he"s reluctant to make decisions, she may resent him.
Part of making decisions is understanding the other person"s views and being flexible.
She doesn"t want someone controlling her, but she also doesn"t want someone wholeaves every decision to her.
A man who is afraid of making a wrong decision should ask himself:

Who should make decisions? -- someone who isn"t afraid of making mistakes.

Lesson #4: Be strong The Talmud asks:
Who is strong?

He who can control his passions (Ethics of the Fathers, 4:1).
Someone who can control his anger is better than a physically strong man who can conquer a city.
Blowing up in anger can seriously damage a relationship.
If a man thinks he can"t control his anger, he should imagine being angry at someone, the telephone rings and it"s his boss.
Would he calm down?

Of course, or he"d lose his job.
Not getting angry doesn"t mean he accepts bad treatment; he calmly sets limits on the treatment he accepts from others.

Lesson #5:

Be manly Being manly is not being macho.
Manliness is the positive qualities of decisiveness, strength in one"s convictions, confidence, self-reliance, high moral qualities, self-discipline, honesty and integrity.
A man who is manly has courage to be able to deal with difficulty, pain or danger without backing away despite his fear.

To women:

Ask your husband to read this.

To men:

If after years of watching Homer Simpson, you haven"t heard these ideas before, ask your wife if this is what she wants.
You may be surprised at her response.

Posted By: Princess Adeola

Edited By: Dr Peace